Such Is Life

I sigh a lot these days.

- "*Hhhum*"
- "Aibi why you *hum*-ing?"
- "I got a lot of things to *hum* about."

I just cannot foresee the future. It's very misty out there. I don't even know where I'll be in 3 years. Let alone 5. I just don't know what I'll be doing, who I'll be meeting, where the wind will take me. How many more mistakes I'll make, how many times I'll win, how many hearts I'll break, how many things I'll lose.

I'll graduate (please God) and I'll be 22. Woohoo. I'll work for some company, decide that it's crap, get married and have babies.

ARGH. BABIES.

I saw my friend's baby last week, and I decided that it would be impossible for me to have a baby now. She was having a go at us, coz her daughter will be 10 by the time any of us have kids. I mean there's so much to do with my life before I can have a baby. Things that I didn't really think of doing until my eyes were opened to all the possibilities. Things that you can't do when there is another little person in the world who's really depending on you to stay in one place and be there.

So no babies yet.

Besides, I still need to find someone to make babies with.

Procrastination Took Hold

Oh My Gosh. I thought it bad enough spending time making this place look pretty, but then I go and makeover my other group blog as well!! It's just a blog me and my 8 friends keep to keep each other updated about stuff... calling all 8 of them every time something new happens costs a bomb hehe.. and not everybody's in the country so MSN-ing is at awkward times of day.

I'm hoping to see one of them soon, she got married last year and is currently pregnant with little baby boy or girl.. she'll be coming to uk to give birth. I'm real excited about it, well, we all are. I wish I had more contact with her over the past few months because she's the first of my friend's to have a baby, and I had always wondered what it would be like. Dang, I wish she blogged on our blog more often lol. I was reading this blog earlier about a mother and her thoughts while she was pregnant and then just her experience after, and it was just so interesting. And then I remembered my friend I started wondering what kind of things she's going through. How different would it be and how different would she handle it considering the difference in age? I forgot to mention; my friend is only 19.

Yes, while the majority of us are worrying about our responsibilities, our studies, uni, what to eat for dinner tonight, few of us starting to think of our careers, she has to worry about a new life she has to bring into the world. Not only that, making sure that they grow up well in this world. That responsibility tops them all.

Personally, it's a responsibility I would be willing to take on one day, but definitely not ready for it yet. There was a time where I thought I would be, but on retrospect I think it would be a very long time until I can admit I'm ready for something as important as that. Sometimes I discuss it with one of my other friends, how amazing it is to become a mother, when she starts talking about MY unborn babies I don't even want to imagine them lol. I have a lot of growing up before I turn into the person I'd want them to follow the footsteps of. I think a lot of other things are relying on me to grow up a bit too. I won't be troubled by a search for a father.