Things I Have To Keep Quiet

I saw you in my dreams last night. I was trying to tell you a lot of things; I wonder if you heard me?

 

It's like a song you used to sing when you were a child; singing it now brings back all those memories.

 

Sometimes it catches me when other things are going wrong. I look at what time in my life I am in, what time of year it is, and what time has passed. The worrying thing is that to my mind every day that has passed is a day without you. And then I realise that I still haven't got my life back.

 

At this moment in time I have everything I could want going for me, and much more to come. I have no monumental reason to be unhappy. All rationality seems fleeting the moment I remember, the moment I start singing that old song.

 

I don't see you any more. The only time I can have you back is in these dreams. They have only happened twice, but when they do happen they seem like nightmares because I wake up in tears.

 

It is a wonder that a universe has a balance. I had no idea at the time that for a brief period of happiness I would spend the next two years feeling haunted.

 

These are things that I daren't speak of to a single soul, for fear of being as seen as the ultimate fool, but this, dear Reader, is simply how I feel.